Secrets of Networking, Part 7

The seventh point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

7. Sincerity – you can make a decision to be caring, responsive, and open, and then make the effort to project and follow up on these things.

Do you think most people, according to this definition, are sincere today? Are you?

There are several good points to make. First, you can intellectually agree and decide with your mind that you want to be caring, responsive, and open.  But until those attitudes are in your heart (emotional center of values), then you will merely be hypocritical. You can pretend to project these traits and even follow up on them but unless they are part of your true self, it will only be an act.

So, how do you move a trait from agreeing that you need to change to agreeing that you want to change to actually making the change?

There are actually several methods with differing degrees of success. But the first step is to think about the statement and ask yourself if you even care about this trait. If not, you would be wasting your time to pretend about it.

If you truly value this trait, how badly do you want it? How would it impact your life? Are you willing to pay the price? If not, why bother?

If you want something bad enough, you will make the effort and eventual change.

In my opinion, most people in the United States want to be sincere. We just have and see a lot of bad apples. So, the next question is, “how are others seeing your sincerity?”

We see a lot of frauds, silver bullet speakers and easy solutions that are anything but sincere. A person who is sincerely looking out for our interests would be a breath of fresh air! What is your reputation?

Secrets of Networking, Part 6

The sixth point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

6.  Gratitude – all of us feel gratitude at one point or another. Some people market themselves by expressing this gratitude with a smile, with a few words, or with a handwritten thank you note.

This is a hidden secret. It sounds trite. That is why it is a hidden secret.

None of us can do everything by ourselves. Most of us can actually do very little without the help of others. Networking is all about others helping us and introducing us to others who can help us (as well as the reverse). We should be thankful – and express our thankfulness.

Thankfulness expressed is saying that the other person is appreciated. How many spouses go everyday without receiving any expressed appreciation? What does it cost me to say “thank you”? How can that impact our spouse, besides their falling on the floor in amazement?

I personally thank and appreciate my God for all He has done and will do. I thank and appreciate my wife for being the wonderful person she is and all that she does for me. I thank and appreciate everyone who helps me.

My response, learning from how much I appreciate others, is to help them. Everyone wins when you make a habit of expressing gratitude.

Secrets of Networking, Part 5

The fifth point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

5.  Respect – you say a lot about yourself in the way you treat other people and in the professionalism in your appearance.

I agree, with a caveat. If you practice appropriate manners, customs, and expectations then you are showing respect. If you are about helping others and not self-absorbed, then you are showing more than respect. You are showing trustworthiness, compassion, and understanding.

By appropriate, some examples are:

• You understand rules of networking, relationships, the office, and home
• You practice what is right in the environment where you are. These are different depending upon country, industry, cultural societies, and even within a department within a division within a company.
• You understand what is not right in any circumstance.

You understand that respect does not mean you sacrifice your values to show respect. It does suggest that if your values may be compromised, perhaps you should not be going there or perhaps you should move on.

If you want to help others, then you will generally be aware of how to show respect. Most of those who fall into the trap of disrespect are those whose opinion about themselves and their self interests are so high that they demand others respect them and their rights even as they disrespect and trample upon the rights of others.

Secrets of Networking, Part 3

The third point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

3.  Ethics and Honesty – people feel if they can trust you, almost everything else fades in importance. Lack of integrity is simply trading promises you make to others in exchange for personal gain.

There is a huge difference between trust and character. It ultimately depends upon your belief system as to “what is ethical and what is honesty?”  This is part of my Jobpreneurshipä 201 curriculum. The concept of trust is so important that I wrote a book on it called Trusted Relationships – The Secret to Lasting Success. You can find this book in the website section of “Resources”.

What I want to suggest here is that, assuming both parties agree on definitions, then:

• Failing to match the values required for doing business will typically cause them to stop doing business with you
• Failing to match the values required for employees will typically cause employers to fire you
• Failing to match the values required by your spouse will typically cause your spouse to leave you
• Failing to match the values you communicated to your children will typically cause them to ignore you or imitate you when they grow up.

Do I need to say more?

You may get away with dishonesty, a lack of ethics, or being self-serving for a long time – if you are good at it. But eventually it will come back to haunt you. Fully recovering from lost trust never happens. At a minimum there will be scars and impacts on others that will not go away.

For most of us, we cannot afford to be associated with those of poor character. It ultimately impacts our brand and our relationships. It can also impact us personally. So, there is a simple remedy…goodbye.

Please take a look in the mirror. If this is an area that needs improving, your ultimate success will not come until you deal with what most of us describe as a character flaw.

Secrets of Networking, Part 2

The second point from a blog by Charlie Robertson from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson is:

2. Punctuality – being on time is a promise that we get to keep regularly. It is expected of most of us. When you are late the person may feel resentful about being stood up and that they are not important to you. Even if you show up 2 minutes later, going through that thought process at all is not good for a relationship.

First, I disagree that punctuality should be ranked this high. This list is being shared to help you but is not nearly complete or prioritized the way I would prioritize it. However, it is a valid point.

Just yesterday, when I am actually writing this blog, I had an appointment with someone referred to me. We were supposed to meet at 10 am at a location of his choosing. The morning of the meeting, he sent me a text message saying he would be there at 9:45. So, I left early and allowed time for heavy traffic. Fortunately, traffic was light. I arrived at 9:20, purchased some coffee, and worked while waiting.

9:45 came and went. 10:00 came and went. Shortly after 10, the other party called saying he was running a couple of minutes late. He quickly apologized (his prior meeting lasted longer than anticipated) and we had a good meeting.

Should he have made allowances? Sure, just as I did my leaving earlier. Was I a little miffed? Yes. If I thought it was important enough to be early, shouldn’t he have planned his day better? Shouldn’t he have planned for “traffic” time. Would that have taken some time away from him if “traffic” did not exist? Absolutely! But then he could have also brought along some work to do.

Am I ever going to forgive him? Let me put it this way. There have been meetings where I either totally forgot about them or put them down incorrectly on my calendar. Sometimes I am left waiting while no one shows up and sometimes they show up and call me saying, “Where are you?’ This rarely happens, but it does happen. Life goes on.

But the principle is sound.  Punctuality is honoring the other party and showing that you can be trusted to respect the other party’s time. If your reputation is that, “you are never on time” then the message is that you are all about you. So, why should I hire you? Why should I want to buy from you? Why should I even want to reset an appointment with you?

Learn the rules. Be punctual as a lifestyle. Apologize when the rare occasion happens that you are late – it will happen. Be sure your brand is someone who tries to intentionally arrive early. My person rule is 15 minutes early. What is your rule?

Secrets of Networking, Part 1

The first set of points is from a blog by Charlie Robertson, www.charliethecoach.co.uk, who is with BNI. Charlie is apparently quoting from the book “Deserve What You Get” by Jay Levinson. The gist of the blog is 10 ways that you can increase the Word of Mouth techniques to help others talk about you in a positive way. Another way of putting this would be to review the  non-verbal actions that impact your brand.

While this list is by no means complete, I think it is worth reviewing.

What does “Word of Mouth” have to do with networking? It has everything to do with your brand and the brand extension of what others see in you and think of you. So, here are a series of blogs on the list Charlie cites from the book, “Deserve What You Get.”

1. Keeping Promises – the number one reason relationships fail, at work, or at home, is that one side perceives a promise that isn’t kept. If you want the relationship to succeed, you have to find out what the expectations are and meet them or change the expectations. You must prioritize your promises and you must make your priorities known.

This goes back to the concept of trust. “Can I trust you to keep your promise?” Clearly the idea of meeting or exceeding expectations is worth a book by itself. Eventually, you will get caught if you lie, deceive, or misrepresent. The onus is on you to go the next step to see if the expectations that you promised are kept.

The first challenge is that the expectations that you thought you made may not match what the other party thought you communicated. The author is correct in saying that this intentional or unintentional gap is a major reason for not succeeding.

The author is also correct in suggesting that you must manage your commitments and correcting others who want to “assign” you with commitments that you did not make. This happens in consulting when the hiring company expands job scope, without wanting to pay for it, and expecting you to comply (at your cost). This happens when a boss gives you an impossible assignment, with the time and resources that you have available. This happens when a family is pulling you one way with their set of expectations (spelled “demands”) and work is pulling you the other way.

The key is to decide who you are, what your values are, and to prioritize what you can and cannot do. There are certain promises that are seen as so fundamental, usually tied to character, that failure can be catastrophic. Of the rest, it is best to either not make a promise or to be sure that you condition it with reality.

Why? You don’t want to develop the reputation (brand) of not being trustworthy.

Secrets of On-Line Branding, Part Six

Continuing with Merideth Levensen’s article, point number six is:

6. Over-promoting yourself: Keep it cool. There’s no need to go nuts with all this stuff.

How much time do you have? Who is really looking at what you are doing? Is each site really worth the time and effort?

Again, in today’s fast pace environment, we all want to help ourselves as much as possible but usually end up with memberships in too many sites, with too many passwords, and too much of a risk in confusing our brand.

We need to focus on what is most important and do that well.

This is why I disabled my social sites called Whacked Executive Network and Whacked Community Network. As my business expands, what I need to do changes. I just don’t have the time to continue with sites or things that are not current and relatively easy to do.

It is fine to experiment, to learn, and to continue improving your message but keep in mind that if you spread yourself too thin you may lose focus, lose a consistent message, and lose getting what you really want. If you are caught on personal sites while at work, you may lose your job.

Take a look at what you are doing on the internet. Do you need to go on a social networking diet?

Secrets of On-Line Branding, Part 1

This is the beginning of a series commenting on suggestions that others have made which I believe are worthy of your consideration. The ideas should provoke some helpful thoughts.

The first set of points is from a blog that quotes Meridith Levenson in a recent Network World article. Meridith offers six ways we damage our personal brands.

“1. Putting the cart before the horse: There’s no point in using all the online tools to promote your brand until you’ve taken the time to think out who are, what you want, and what it is you have to sell. Go through that exercise first.”

Does this sound familiar? I cannot stress enough how important it is to start with understanding who you are (passions, values, belief systems, life mission…), what you want to do, where you want to do it, and how to package yourself (vision, brand, message, character…) into the brand that fits where you will find your dream job or dream company.

Whether in physical networking or internet networking, all of this must be consistent or you will be sending mixed and confusing signals. Doing so will raise red lights that are concerns of “which person is the real you?”

If that question about you is raised, then a second question is raised – “Can I trust someone whom has more than one persona? Who is the real person?”

People hire and buy from people whom they feel they can trust. Is your message sending out the right signals?

Merry Christmas To You and Your Family

Whether you celebrate Christmas, as we do, or not. The holiday in our culture is a time to reflect on our beliefs and on our family.

Whether in a fast moving career or looking for your next opportunity, I recommend that you take off this week and spend it re-energizing your batteries. Rest is part of a well honed strategy. Even soldiers must have rest and relaxation!

Besides, your family is growing up too fast to miss making enjoyable memories with them that can last you and your family for a lifetime.

That is what we will be doing this week.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Your Christmas Season Game Plan, Part 3

For most of us, our family members, relatives, and close friends have no idea what we do and what we want to do. Even if they could help us, if they don’t know then they cannot help!

Of course, some family members or relatives are black sheep. But even they might have a connection that they can make for you.

As you spend quality time with family, relatives, and close friends, be sure you have your passion, vision, brand, and value proposition down. You may only see some of them during this time of the year. They can be on the lookout all during the next year.

Who do you think might help you the most? A stranger whom you met in a networking meeting for 5 minutes or a family member, relative, or close friend?

Don’t miss your opportunity! Are you ready to meet them?

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