Breaking the Chain of Appearance

You might think that the way you look is the way you look. Wrong. If you have not watched the show, I recommend you watch “What Not to Wear.” The hosts are clothing experts. You heard the old saying, “Clothing makes the man?” I disagree but it can make a man or woman look much better.

Here are a few secrets:

1. Hiring managers like no red flags. If you are too heavy or look like you are improperly dressed, your poor first impression will likely give the competitive advantage to the other person even if you are better qualified.
2. There are interesting statistics on height. An image consultant recently stated that every inch of a man’s height equates to $7,000 per year higher earnings. Since some of us are not giants, we may feel disadvantaged. However, with striped shirts, tailored clothing, and the right fit for our body type, we can “appear” taller.
3. The proper appearance does have an impact on hiring, promotions, and clients liking to work with you. Ok, so they are bigots. Yes, you have the right to look like a slob. But the impact is so large that investing in the right diet, exercise, clothing, and make-up is investing in your future success, self-confidence, and health.  So, women, now you have an excuse when you buy more…

First impressions and daily impressions are important to success and to your brand. This is just as important as the resume or the interview; if you want to truly be competitive.

How do you break the chains of appearance?

Breaking the Chains of Exercise

Most of us want to exercise. We watch football on TV while sitting on the couch and say, “I can do that!”  We watch gymnastics on the Olympics and say, “I would love to be able to do that!” Then we get up to get more food.

Now, some of you reading this are in great shape. As long as you don’t spend too much time exercising, congratulations. I have one son who maxes out the Marine fitness test. He used to do hand stand pushups as a teenager. The other son runs marathons. My wife tries to exercise every night. Then there is me.

We did buy some very expensive equipment for our home gym. You should be proud of us. Yet most people use their equipment for a clothing hanger or use their fitness club membership for a few weeks and then stop.

I recently read a friend’s book entitled, “The Secret of Success – A Little Bit Over A Long Period of Time.” The author, Phillip Crone, is a sales executive and runner.  One point he makes is that if you target only 10 minutes a day for 5 days a week for 30 days then you will begin to develop the habit of exercise. Next month you can add another minute and work your way to 30 minutes…

The key to this is that most of us use the excuse that we don’t have time. But 10 minutes? I can do that. So can you.

Today, I exercised for 20 minutes and burnt 200 calories. Of course I also walked the dog for 15 minutes; twice.  I could have exercised longer, for 60 minutes, but I have a hurt foot. If you don’t believe me, I can limp even more! Yet even 20 minutes makes me feel better, less guilty, and over the years help keep my weight down, tone up, and self confidence high.

So how are you breaking the chains of exercise? Do you have 10 minutes?

Breaking the Chain of Diet

“You are what you eat.”  I am not sure who said those words. After all, I like ice cream; and cake, and pies, and candy, and…  I do not have a sweet tooth. I have sweet teeth. Others like breads, red meats, deep fried …  Well, I guess I like those too.

Have you ever watched the show, “The Biggest Loser?”  There are some fascinating tips.

First, just don’t buy fattening food. If it is around, it gets eaten. Actually, there is some apple pie left over from the dinner party last night. Say, isn’t that a fruit?

1. Second count calories. That means, if I eat less calories today then eating my pie and ice cream last night was OK; right? Actually, it can be as a rare treat in moderation.
2. Learn to enjoy better foods with lower calories. OK, my wife finally taught me to eat salads. I now actually prefer to order salads when dining out than traditional foods. They are lighter, less guilty feeling, and my wife feels better. That makes me feel better.
3. Learn to cook creatively foods that are healthier and you can actually enjoy.

Here is the issue. If you are overweight, you feel more sluggish, tire easier, have more health issues, and generally die younger. Bad enough? How do you think a hiring manager views a big person versus a target weight person?

A company sees heavier people as a lower peak performer, a higher cost health risk, and less likely to fit into the executive suite or “success” image. That means the chain of diet could lead to not being hired or not making the compensation that your performance may suggest.

On the other hand, eating right leads to better health, higher self confidence, better appearance, more energy, and a longer life. It also means being more competitive in getting jobs, promotions, and clients.

How do you break the chains of diet?

Breaking the Chain of Negative Thinking

Some of us are born with the attitude that the world is at our foot steps, life is good, the glass is half full, our fortune is a day away, all our dreams will soon be filled… Others call themselves realists. The problem with realists is that they often focus on the negative – the world is stepping on me, life is hard, the glass is half empty, my retirement nest egg is shrinking, my dreams are becoming a nightmare… So, which profile fits you?

If you are the realist, there is a tendency to become bound with the chain of negative thinking. Positive thinkers don’t like to be around negative thinkers, they depress them.  That is a problem since most senior hiring managers have learned to be positive thinkers!

So, let’s take a closer look at the positive thinker. Some put their head in the sand and insist on being positive even when the building is collapsing around them. Others believe that by the power of their positive thoughts they can think themselves into success. Perhaps they are right, but I suspect that what is really happening is that by choosing to be positive they are focusing on how to make things better.

The positive choice is to choose to take risk, to work hard, to ask others for help, to build up one another, to encourage each other, to trust others, to brainstorm with others, and to examine the world around them in order to act swiftly upon changing paradigms and trends. Do these things and you won’t have time to be negative, more people will like you and be willing to help you, and you can become an expert that others will seek out to help them.

The last stage is to realize that there are two side of a coin. What appears negative on one side of the coin can actually be an incredible opportunity – if you are looking for it.

Positive people are willing to take risks, fail, learn from mistakes, and be committed to continuing the cycle. That is how they succeed. The results eventually make them smile – reinforcing their decision to be positive. The future is bright for those to work at it over the long haul.

How do you break the chains of negative thinking?

Breaking the Chain of Not Knowing What to do

You may have heard the saying, “They don’t know what they don’t know” or the “blind leading the blind.” This often leads to inaction, wrong action, wasted time, and wasted money. No one can afford these costs during a job search.

Not a day goes by when it seems I talk to an executive who grew up in the paradigm that recruiters called them to offer a job; therefore let’s go play golf or work in the garden until the call comes!  Sounds like a plan! Only, in today’s new reality, it is the wrong plan. Unless you are in the elite of the elite in your profession, the call will likely never come.

At the same time, the job seeker is tight on his budget so he ignores or avoids any investments in learning how to sell himself. That is like a company trying to get customers without any marketing or sales effort. Do you know any successful companies with that strategy?

So the paradox is that ignorance is bliss, money should not be invested in development, but I will talk to peers and look for free information. Do you really think this approach will make you competitive among your peers to be the one to get the job or client? If not, and you fit the profile, you are bound by the chain of not really knowing what to do in today’s jobless marketplace.

Here are a few thoughts:

1.   Continue reading my blog and sign up for the newsletter – they are free

2.   Search the internet for other free advice. Remember that you only get what you pay for and most free advice either conflicts, no longer applies, or is outstanding but lost in the massive amounts of advice.

3.   If you are offered outsourcing help, take it. It may not be very good or competitive but it will have useful features that you can take advantage of

4.   Look for highly successful leaders who don’t mind giving you an advise interview. Respect their time and thank them.

5.   Look for career coaches, speakers, authors, etc. whose concepts ring true and whom others rave about. Talk to them to see if your instinct is to trust them. If they are good, the Return on Investment (ROI) will be better than anything that you can get on Wall Street. The best investment is in yourself

What other ideas do you recommend to break the chain of wasting time and money because you don’t know what to do?

Breaking the Chain of Anger

The opposite of feeling guilty is feeling that someone else or something else is guilty.

It may be that someone else was wicked, evil, and malicious. That does happen but not most of the time. Terminating people is hard. Families are impacted. Sometimes downsizing just has to be done. Today, the company or industry may be on it’s back.

While it is nice to know if the cause was greedy Wall Street, corrupt Congress, the main street banker, or nasty boss. It is what it is. It is done. Over. Finale.

So, you have options. You can go postal – not normally recommended. You can live life angry, raise your blood pressure, harm others, and eventually die a miserable wretch. You can suppress your anger, put a smile on your face and live with unresolved issues (chains) that will keep you from being all that you can be

It is time to take the chip off your shoulder. But how do we break the chain?

I recommend you start by writing down everyone and everything that you are angry about. If your anger is so great that you are striking out at others or yourself, then you may wish to consider professional help. Writing out what is going on is a good start for even professional counseling.

Second, I recommend you look at every item that you are angry over and divide it into categories. Category A is those things that you cannot change. For example, I cannot change the current global financial crisis. Category B is those people whom you cannot get near. For example, the President of the United States or FED chairman would probably not entertain my house call. Category C is those things that you can influence. For example, writing a civil letter to the Prime Minister or Congressman expressing your concerns is good civic duty. Category D is those people whom you can influence. For example, you can go to your former boss – and forgive him/her.

What? Forgive? Yes. Breaking the chain is not waiting for them to apologize or make restitution. That seldom happens. They may not even feel like they did anything wrong. But the chain is on you. The wasted energy spent in anger is your energy. Breaking the chain requires you to forgive the offending party. If the other party is wrong – that is their problem. You can get free of your chain by forgiving them.

You might need help. For me, that help is usually through prayer and seeking supernatural help. Life sometimes is not fair and it is comforting to know that there is a bigger plan going on than I can see. Choose to release the chain of anger.

How do you handle anger?

Breaking the Chain of Fear, Despair, and Depression

Whether you are trying to get a new job, start a business, or get a new client, uncertainty leads to fear. Will you get a job before your finances run out? Will your business fail? Can you get enough new clients to pay your bills?

In every case, fear can easily begin to choke your momentum and cause you to fail. Most failures in life are those who quit just prior to winning.

We all hear about wonderful success stories – it makes good speaking material. What we seldom hear is how most successful people had years of fear, despair, and even depression. Yet they learned to persevere and not give up.

A friend of mine told me last summer how he, an executive, was out of work for two years without anyone calling him about a job. Do you think he had down days? Do you think his wife was wondering if she should just shoot her husband to collect the insurance money? Yet, almost to the day of the anniversary of being out of work he received two phone calls on the same morning with job offers. After weighing both, he decided to take the one closest to his passion. It was more risky than the alternative but far more exciting and, having been through two years of unemployment, he knew the worst case would be more unemployment.

How do you break the chains of fear, despair, and depression? Unless you have a clinical situation that requires professional attention, I recommend:

1.   Keep looking at others who are landing. Celebrate with them. Your turn will come.

2.   Pray for help, encouragement, and strength. Everybody goes through this. Most of us get through it.

3.   Focus on breaking the other chains. Each chain that is broken is a victory toward getting not just a job or client, but toward learning to live life the way it should be lived. Who knows? Perhaps this difficulty will lead to some of the best times of personal and spiritual growth in your life.

How do you face these issues?

Breaking the Chain of Guilt

Have you ever said something that you later regretted?  Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong? We all have.

I can remember a statement I made 39 years ago that influenced someone to make a decision that was not wise. I had no idea the influence I had. I am not responsible for what they did. I am responsible for what I said. How about you – has what you said or done harmed someone else? Did it result in you being fired?

Whenever we lose a job or a major client, there is a natural introspection that often results in our feeling guilty. Sometimes it is justified. Usually, it would have happened no matter what you did.

The same is true in a marital situation or even unresolved issues prior to someone’s death. The chain of guilt can nag us and continue to drag us down. So, what should we do?

I recommend we first examine ourselves. Did we do something or say something wrong that resulted in our situation; or were we just in the wrong place at the wrong time; or was the cause a much larger situation like the economy?

If we did something wrong, I recommend that we go back to the person whom we offended and sincerely apologize. Whether they accept the apology or not is their issue – and perhaps their chain. We need to do all that we can do to wash our hands of the situation. Sometimes that may mean restitution. Usually, it does not.

I do not recommend a public confession unless the offense is genuine and impacted the public.

Secondly, if we did or said something wrong, then I recommend you confess it in prayer. In my case, it would be prayer to God the Father, through my Lord Jesus Christ. According to Scriptures, as a believer, He has promised to forgive our sins if we confess them.

What if we did nothing wrong? If you sincerely examined yourself and concluded that you are innocent then say so – reject feelings of non-existent guilt. Say it out loud. Break the chain and move on.

How do you handle guilt?

Breaking the chain of Grief

It has been said that losing a job is emotionally devastating. Apparently, the most pain starts with death of a loved one, next comes divorce, and third is losing a job.

Many of us try to pretend that job loss is normal, to be blamed on someone else, or to be buried in our subconscious so that we can move on and put a positive spin to life. The reality is, that we lie to ourselves – job loss is painful and we must deal with the grief.

Remember the sailboat? From a distance, it looks like it is in full sail and moving forward. It is only as you get closer that you see a small portion of the chain that touches the water and goes down to the anchor. You have to free yourself from the chain of grief by dealing with your grief.

This is hard for anyone but especially men. Our self-esteem is often tied into our work, position, and compensation. When we lose these, there is a loss that is difficult to explain but is real. Some men react by being “lost”. Others recognize that careers today are marked by high turnover, frequent job loss, and even required career changes. Yet, if we do not deal with the loss, grief, and pain of the losing our job, then part of our emotional energy will be leaking out when we need to move forward.

So, how do you deal with grief? I am not a grief counselor. Perhaps your church, synagogue, or counselor can help.

Here are a few tips that I know:

1. Acknowledge that grief is real.  The job loss is real. The unemployment is real.
2. Write down what happened and how you feel about it.
3. Crying is good. Even if the job loss was not your fault, you have to deal with it.
4. Review what happened.
5. Get angry at whoever or whatever caused the situation – that includes potentially yourself.
6. Go somewhere to vent your anger. Feel free to shout – just not in front of someone. Feel free to beat up a punching bag, run, or do your favorite exercise – just don’t harm anyone else.
7. Recognize that you have to put the past in the past. You cannot change the past.  You need to put the past behind you and reach forward to the future.
8. Take what you wrote down in step 2 and safely burn it. Say goodbye.
9. Recognize that the chain will at times try to rewrap around you. Refuse to let it. Say out loud that what is done is done and I am moving forward.
10. Share your grief with others. Start with your spouse. Decide if your children are old enough to understand. Share with friends who have lost their jobs.

What ideas can you share to help break the chain of grief?

What chains are holding you back?

Everyone likes to talk about being positive and moving forward. So do I. Yet, are there chains holding you back that must be broken before you see forward momentum?

I use the illustration of a sailboat or motorboat trying to race ahead, only no one took the time to raise the anchor and chain. The boat might make some progress but it is being held back while dragging the anchor and chain.

Another person might use the illustration of begin wrapped with chains across their chest. The more they struggle, the tighter the chain gets. Sometimes breathing seems hard. At best, a person is hampered or slowed down.

Over the next several days, I will be discussing 15 chains that might hold someone back. Here are the chains that I will be discussing:

1. Grief
2. Guilt
3. Fear, Despair, and Depression
4. Anger
5. Don’t know what to do
6. Negative thinking
7. Diet
8. Exercise
9. Appearance
10. Rest
11. Family
12. Finances
13. Networking
14. Self focus
15. Going it alone

Are there other chains that you have discovered? Do you see chains that others are dragging around?

Are there ways that you have used to free yourself from chains? Would you mind sharing what you did to get free?

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